Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Pregnancy, Estrogen and Women!

Pregnancy Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but
pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is
in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.


"ESTROGEN ISSUES"
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"


1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that
says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
8. Your home thermostat doesn't seem to be cooling no matter what it's set
on.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..


TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Have a super Wednesday!!

8 comments:

Karen said...

The q & a's were a riot and I loved the lists too. Amen on the estrogen stuff! LOL

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. *HUGS*

blue1aqua1 said...

have a great T-Day!

BrooklynJewishGuy said...

I love 'em all. Incredibly astute.

Your fellow CPA on the other coast.
enjoy your turkey.

Assorted Babble by Suzie said...

These are great....appreciate the laughs....
The Estrogen ones...hit home! (LOL)

Happy Thanksgiving Jill and to your family. Hope you have a wonderful holiday.

Dick said...

This whole post kept me laughing.
Have a great Thanksgiving.

Thomcat said...

hehehe - that's why you should keep some women friends to translate for you!

~Deb said...

I feel ya on this post! Believe me, imagine two women living together having 'their friend' at the same time. You wanna talk about too much estrogen in the household???? Oy!

I'm the worst, cause I'm just evil when my hormones are all riled up. Run for the hills!

This post was funny!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Bud said...

Thaks, that explains EVERYthing