Tuesday, May 24, 2005
For those of you who have never experienced an anxiety attack......You are very lucky....Because they really fucking suck!!!!!!!!! I have had them for as long as I can remember, but they have gotten less severe over time and I usually can tell when one is coming and am able to control it on my own. Today was different it hit me out of the blue, just an overwhelming feeling like I could not handle any more. I woke up feeling kinda sad...It should have clued me in that something was going to happen, but I just thought it was a restless night sleep in yet another hotel, so I got ready for my meeting and headed downstairs. It hit me in the meeting, I was unable to concentrate on what was being said and my thoughts would not settle on any one thing. I kept thinking what the fuck am I doing here? I just wanted to go to my room and hibernate. So I waited until lunch break thinking that some quite time in my room might help. We got 1 1/2 hours for lunch, but after an hour I knew it was not going to stop by its self. So he I sit waiting for my anxiety meds to work. As I reflect back over the last couple of days events I now can see that this was coming on. I work fulltime and own a business on the side with my sister. Which leaves me little time for me and my kids. Let alone any personal time to pursue my own life. I So here I sit(with a bottle of Chardonnay), knowing I should be in my meeting, but unable to leave my room. Is all the work and money and personnel possessions worth all this?????? I'd give it all up to have a simple normal life. I suppose I work so much so I do not have to deal with my feelings. Who knows??? Maybe you do,because right now I don't!!!!! Right now IM going to read my favorite blog's, surf the net and then have a nice nap!!!!!!! God knows the meds and wine will speed that up.
Posted by Jillian at 5/24/2005 01:56:00 PM