Anger Issues!

Yep I have them! Saturday night I was out with some friends drinking. I know drinking is bad....but fuck it! So anyway here comes this guy, with my sister to top it off, with a T shirt that says I'm not Mr Right but I'll fuck you until he shows up! So I proceeded to tell him off and have his ass kicked out of the bar. I wonder how many women find that kind of advertising appealing? OK...Besides my sister. I found it totally offensive and told him just how I felt.

I guess I can't be freaking Mary Poppins all the time!

See Ya!

That just sucks!!!

I had a really great post for today....And then I forgot what it was!!!

If I remember it I will be sure to post it..

Have a super day!

No wonder I'm so pissed off all the time!

I suppose my last post left some questions in your minds. Well imagine how I feel! I have spent many years seeing a counselor. He has been there for me when I felt life was out of control. The problem is I bounce in and out of counseling. I never seem to complete the task I have set for myself. Usually he will say something that either upsets me of pisses me off. So I stop going. The last time I went he explained to me how I was the forgotten child in my family. I refused to believe this. How could my family who loves me forget me? Sure my dad was an alcoholic, was mother is co-dependent. So what’s the big deal?
Forget me and leave me to raise myself, I laughed it off. Now his words ring true for me and I finally understand parts of it. Some parts I am still trying to figure out. I think I have done an ok job on the raising me part. I’m independent, have no addictions and have a good job. My kids are great, no real problems there just the normal teenager stuff.

I know the road ahead of me will be rough, but it’s a road I have traveled before, and in the end I know I will be ok. I love my family and I know they love me in the only way they can.

I'm still here!

For those of you that have asked. I just feel I am at a turning point in my life and am at odds at which way to turn. I'm content with my life, just bored with it! I look at myself in the mirror and see and older woman and I know its me. I have to question is this all there is to life?

Thats about all I have to say!

Finally Done!!!!

The new roof is done! Well almost some of the flashing still needs painted, but I happy with it! I really hope this solves the small raining problem in the house and the nice bats that used to live in the attic!!



I did this new floor in the bathroom! Its not a perfect job, but it will do!

Day# 3

WOO HOO!! I have finally got some shingles. I think it looks awesome. I have been putting new flooring in my bathroom and that is harder than I thought it would be. All I have left is around the toilet and I hope to get that done today!!




Have a super day!!

I got wood!!

Day #2 is complete and I finally have wood!!!
I know its just so exciting!!!!



Can you find me in this picture?



I could not leave you with out a Shot of Penny! She is now 4 months old and weighs 22 lbs!


Hope you all had a super Tuesday!

My top is off and I feel so exposed!!!

Day #1 is complete. Tomorrow the will replace the rotten boards and lay the plywood!

A new day!

Today is a new day, and I believe anything can happen. Over the weekend I was finally able to tell a certain person (#54 in my 101 list) how I felt and close that chapter in my life and today it feels like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. He has moved on to a new relationship, I wish him the best and I hope he has a lifetime of happiness with her.

In other news.....The day has finally come!! They are starting my new roof today!! After much rain and many delays!! I am so excited! So here is a before picture. I will post updates as the week goes by!

Have a super Monday!!

Long time no post!

Seems like forever, but I suppose not. I have not posted lately due to my lack of interest in life.

I seem to have slipped into a deep depression and am having a hard time coming out of it. So I have done what I normally do...Worked myself sick...So I feel a need to vent, please bear with me I need to get this out!

I'm angry at you Dad because most of my life you where not there for me and when you finally sobered up and realized it.....it was almost to late...........And then you had to die on my birthday.

I'm angry at you MB because I loved you and when I told you goodbye you took the one thing you wanted by force...You had no right to violate me.

I'm angry at you RH because you are selfish and did what was most comfortable for you, and did not think about the hurt you caused the kids.

I'm angry at you BJ for thinking that you are so great when you are drunk.

I'm angry at you UB, because you can not even get you lazy ass here to see you father before he dies....I know you will be the first one with his hand out when he does!

Ok, I feel better......I need to go cry now................

Have a Happy 4th of JULY!!!

I'll wave to all of you, as you leave
when it's time for you to go.
As you sail from sea to shining sea
take the colors of your home.
Take me with you, wherever you go
keep me in your heart each night.
And if you forget what you're fighting for
remember me, in flight.
Take me out to the battleground,
and then tear me into shreds.
Wrap the bleeding wound with me,
and bind the aching head.
Plunge me into coldest water
to soothe the fevered brow.
Tie me across the shattered limb,
I'll support it now.
Let me dry the homesick tear,
and hold closed, the gaping chest,
for here, in the field, where hope is lost
I am at my best.
And then, burn what is left of me,
for warmth into the night.
So I may bring comfort, where there is need
and courage, for the fight.
My red is deeper, for the blood you've shed.
My white is purer, for your pain.
My blue will be bluer than the deepest sea
when you come home again.
Then I'll rise to the top of the flagpole,
where my colors are always flown,
and from there, when the war is over
I'll wave, to welcome you home.

Sprinkler Time! *updated*

Behind my home is a park. It was once a school yard that I attended as a child. In the summer my youngest son and I would work in the back yard and wait until the sprinklers came on in the park and then we would run in them to cool down. We did not care who watched or what they thought.

He is 13 this year. Do you still think he will run in the sprinklers with me?

Happy Hump day to all!!

A Dogs Life!

Today I will smile more, stress less and have a happy day!

Home!

The best part of traveling is coming home!

Vegas was Vegas....Hotter than hell, but then its hot at home too, but its diffrent!

So I'm gonna kick back, relax and enjoy my weekend!

Have a great one!

Word for the day

What is defeat?...

Nothing but the first step to something better

Wendall Phillips

If this is true my life should be fucking great!

So maybe I'm in a pissy mood. Its my mood and I'm keeping it!

Ok so here is a new picture of Penny. But I'm still in a pissy mood.

I'm off to Vegas.....I'll have a great time at my fucking meetings but at least I'm close to Margaritaville!!! Thank GOD for Jimmy Buffet!

Happy Fathers Day!

Happy Fathers day DAD! I miss you and I love you!

???

I have not posted for awhile.......Life has kept me very busy. My new roof is still not on yet. It has begun to really piss me off! The contractor I picked came highly recommended, so this delay after delay is just not right. July 10th is the new start date and if they delay it again, I will hire someone else.

My grandfather is still in the resthome and his biopsy results came back and they think he has lymphoma. So while what every monster is eating away his memories the cancer will eat away his body. I pray he is not in pain and the end comes peacefully for him.

Well I'm off to clean up more puppy poop and them its work all weekend for me. I have a ton of bookwork to complete. Then I'm off the Vegas next week for business.

Have a super weekend!!

How Sweet!

Here is Penny at her finest! Like I have said before her favorite chew toy is my arm. But I have found the answer!!! Those really hard chew bones for dogs! She has already eaten 2 and I plan to buy a whole case. Apparently English Bulldogs are very aggressive chewers! Now if I could just get her to poop on the puppy training pads I think we will be just fine!

Sleepiness nights!

Yes I have had a few lately. I find myself waking up at 3am or so and can't go back to sleep. It really sucks on work nights. Weekends is better for sleepless nights cause you can always have a nap the next day. It got better for awhile but it seems to have come back.

I went shopping yesterday and cried all the way home, not because I spent too much money, but because I knew I would stop and visit my Dad on the way home. I have been avoiding going there and knew I had to buck it up and just do it. So as I sat by his grave, I gave myself away to a good healthy cry. I guess I half expected to ground to be turned up from my father spinning in his grave over the recent events caused by my step-mother. I guess I have not mentioned all the legal crap that's going on. It just my father had a living trust set up and things where going great. We all agreed that Dads wishes should be carried out as stated in his trust. Where it all went haywire, I have no clue.

My Grandfather is still in a resthome and has good days & bad days. My step-Grandmother does not want him to return home because having 24 hour home care is a violation of her privacy. He is her husband, if my husband was old and ill and I could spend every minute we had left together I would not care about my privacy. I would care about my husband, and its his ranch, which he worked so hard to farm. He wants to go home.

I just do not get it. We are not asking for everything, just some of my father family things, photos and such. We went last Sunday to my dads place to put some things in the shop and my step-mom called the police. She has life estate in the home, which we did not enter, but the rest of the property now belongs to my sister she has every right to be there. Its what my father wanted. Yet we are treated like criminals.

I made a promise to myself yesterday as I sat by my fathers side, that I would do everything within my power to save my boys from having to go through this kind of hell.

SHIT!

I mean real shit! How much can one small puppy shit?! Don't get me wrong, I love Penny to death....But For The Love Of GOD!!!!!! Shit on the puppy training pads! Is it too much to ask!

So my mom talks me into buying this book titled Cesar's Way. She saw this guy on some TV show and " he just works wonders with dogs, he is a Dog Whisperer!" So last night I settle down to see how I can relate to Penny on a canine level. All is good...Until Penny decides to bark her cute little head off until I pick her up and place her in my bed, now back to the book...Wait Penny NO! Do not chew on my arm! NO! I get up and get her one of her many chew toys, back to the book it starts out good stating I need to let Penny know who is boss.....Wait Penny NO! Do not eat the book!!!! Needless to say I'm only on page 4 of the introduction. The back pages are not too badly chewed, just the cover a little. I will try it again tonight, but I might just say hell with it and let her eat the book if it keeps her from chewing on my arm!!!